Lots of Thinking

Its barely a month since I last posted an entry for this blog, I can\’t seem to figure out at first what\’s mainly the reason, was it time prob? got black out? just being lazy? but I guess I just have had my share of being mindful over things– lots of thinking that I ended up having 5 posts with just a single line each that goes directly to my \”draft\” posts. 
Now, let me recall how my Mommy Tots was born, \’twas one of my graveyard shifts that makes me find a reason to be awake while waiting for any call for help from  our system\’s end-users. I admit I am no good when it comes to writing, but what the heck?! Whenever I feels like it, I write my story…yes, I blog about my life especially about my motherhood journey expressing my great joy of having this huge blessing.
When I was in sixth grade, I am an editor in literature in our school paper and a school representative for a  Seminar in Essay Writing joining Muntapat (Muntinlupa, Taguig, Pateros) Division Contest the next day. I can still remember how I felt during that one big day, I was terrible, feeling nervous and down, thinking I am nothing compared to my competitors. Lots of thinking that ends up- talking to the one next to me giving her sample situations regarding our subject. Yay! luckily she won the 2nd spot for our category, and as I expected -I made no name and doesn\’t bring home any recognition. Well, I can clearly state that lots of thinking doesn\’t do me any good at all. It shatters me into pieces making me not my own self and exists blankly against anything. I hate having \’these\’ days of my life! I know sooner i\’ll be back again in my feet  psyching my self-up that I shouldn\’t think that I am beaten with my personal life issues because its mainly true that if I think that I am beaten, then truly– I was.

Hmn… not feeling really good nowadays! and here\’s my revelation for this certain phase in my life: My toddler was not with me. I have no choice but to bring him to my parents while I am in search for a new yaya to take care of him… his \’ate\’ decided to left us to continue her studies. And what else can I do but to let her  go wishing goodluck to her plans. My heart was not with me and I wasn\’t functioning very well… gotta stop this drama and start collecting every piece of me again…


6 responses to “Lots of Thinking”

  1. Hey, -=einz=-, cool post. Sometimes life is hard and it seems like you'll never get on your feet again, but you still have to push on. Sometimes you're at the top of the world and the next minute you're in the dumps, but you still have to push on. Life is a roller-coaster of ups and downs and you know that you can always come here, on your blog, to talk to not only your bloggers but also yourself. So, awesome post, I wish you the best of luck in finding a new yaya, and write on!


  2. @Vatche, hayst… a deep breath for this one. You're right…life's a roller coaster ride, We just have to hold on and be strong enough for every loop.This blog serves as my journal expressing my rants and sentiments. Thanks for visiting and giving me signs of hope. =D


  3. Thanks! actually as of now, we have one already for about 2weeks na, but… still under training and evaluation pa rin. (ofcourse! i have to be observant and meticulous). And I doubt it if she'll ever pass my qualifications, ayoko naman ng basta \”pwede\” just to have a replacement.Yup! parehas nga tyo, from your journal of thoughts, I too, have nothing to blog about. Busy and simply not delighted of what's going on right now. sigh*


  4. Oh, that's sad. I've been in your situation before too, i know how sad it feels having your own child away from you. So you're also in a call center? TSR?


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